I’ve never been a morning person, or a Monday person and I have great difficulty focusing on things, it is as if my brain is missing those pieces of whatever that keeps you on track. I have difficulty pretending I like something or someone when I do not, the energy consumed in painting on a fake face and the effort that goes into that pretense is something I prefer to use elsewhere. I rarely lie which to some is a big deal because I may hurt feelings when I bluntly answer, I simply don’t want to waste energy trying to keep up with the lie and all the little lies that go along with it. Unfortunately, I was born with resting bitch face which makes many think I am always mad, but I am not, I’m actually fairly lighthearted.
People think that I am extroverted because I help with eventing and volunteer often, but the truth is that I must force myself to be around people. I am entirely comfortable alone or with one or two at a time or just my dog. When I am around dramatics, I tend to stay quiet and often this is seen as a sign of weakness when it is really the opposite. If I nod in agreement, it typically means that I think you are a gimptard and I am agreeing just to see you shut up, it doesn’t mean you are right, it means my energy can be better served elsewhere.
When an employer or org makes assumptions that one did this or that or did not do this or that, I rarely argue because I have found over the years that they have made up their correct or incorrect mind prior to the meeting and you really have no say in their decision. I have stood up for many but found that many never stand up for you. And many assume that you have mental telepathy and just automatically know what they want you to do or not do and they suck at true communication. Those who have wronged you always go through a quiet period of avoidance before the proverbial shit hits the fan. And, I have learned that those who choose greed over integrity will win money but will lose friends, respect, and will never feel total achievement which is kind of self-inflicted karma.
What is my point? People always say with age comes wisdom, but I disagree. You aren’t really getting wiser, quite the opposite, you get lazier and no longer want the work that comes with all the bullshit. Back in the day when someone wronged you, there was a verbal fight to the death! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am being dramatic! It became your focus, and you ran your mouth without tiring. As you age, you find that those who wrong you are common, in a large majority and unworthy of your energy or pity. Eventually life will slap them back, so why waste your time on them. Age does bring you sight. You can spot human garbage from afar or up close and you are quickly able to laugh and walk away.
My advice to you, young or old is to learn this the easy way and not by trial. It will save you loads of energy and time.
Today a 30 something black guy, tall, skinny, blue denim shirt over t-shirt, wearing running tights with shorts over, tall red socks, boots, dreads, smoking a cigarette was leaning against the brick steps of the post office asking people to buy a newspaper as they entered the building. Nice guy if you took the time to chat, he really wasn’t bothering anyone, his cigarette smoke was kind of. He asked, I said, no money on me and held my hands out. I asked how his Monday was going, and he said not too bad, and we chatted a few minutes, just pleasantries. I went inside. As I turned to leave, a woman said that I was the reason “these people” hung around asking for money and endangering all. She shouldn’t have to put up with “these homeless people, they are disgusting and dangerous”. I kept walking towards the door.
Once outside, Raymond, the disgusting homeless working guy, wished me a good day and said that I was pretty inside and out, waving as I left. When the woman exited with her hmmmph and ugly look, he wished her a good day and she turned and told him to leave and go where others like you are. She walked down the steps to her expensive Mercedes and as I passed, she said you need to be more careful who you talk to, so I replied, I am doing my best to avoid people like you, I’d rather talk to people like him.
More and more I am finding that I really no longer have the need to be very social, maybe it is me, maybe it is the current state of the world or maybe just maybe there is an expiration date on that particular need to feel a part of society.
I’ll continue to be pleasant and interact as required, but will keep my inner circle small but now if I nod during our talks, you understand what I am really saying. Hahahahaha
Have a great day! Or don't, I am not telling you what to do.
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