I promised you a tale of Monkeys
While staying in a small house in the Philippines on Luzon way back in 1990, and house is a generous description of the place, there were several rules. One, listen to the houseboy Nonoy, he knows his stuff. Two, listen to the locals and watch what they do and where they do it. This place was clean, had running water and an indoor toilet and was on a beautiful beach surrounded by trees and vegetation. Nonoy was 16 and super sweet, his job was to basically keep me out of trouble, a difficult task because I tend to get bored when sitting still, and take me to the market.
It was a beautiful windy day, and I was sitting outside with a book and an orange minding my own business soaking up the sun and listening to waves. Nonoy was inside cooking something that had a vinegary smell. No one told me about Howler monkeys, not one peep about their intense stares, their screams, their attitudes nor their tendency to hold a grudge. Nonoy only said no matter what you do, ignore the monkeys, do not stare at them, do not yell at them, never, never throw things at them. Monkeys steal, they scream, and they also get bored. This particular day, I was enjoying peace and quiet and a good book when this little shit walked up and sat down in front of my chair and stared.
I did as I was told, I ignored him. Well, that made him angry, so he screamed and jumped up and down for a good half hour demanding attention, then he lunged and stole my orange and ran into the tree line. No biggie, he was gone, and I had other fruit. The next day I went out early for a walk on the beach and the little shit was waiting for me, sitting in my chair, he screamed as I walked by, a loud, shrieking laughing sound. I did as I was told, and I ignored the little shit. That same afternoon when I went back outdoors, the little shit was waiting in front of the door, and when I went out the little shit screamed like he was being killed and followed me to my chair which I couldn’t sit in because the little shit had left me a gift. So, I ignored him and Nonoy cleaned the crap out of the chair.
By day 5 this evil monkey had taken to screaming in windows while I tried to sleep, knocked on windows and doors to get attention and screamed each time I walked outside. He stole anything not tied down. On day 6 I had enough of the little shit who wouldn’t shut up and was making my short trip into a bad experience so when I left the house to go to the market, as the little shit shrieked, I threw an orange at him and I missed but my point was taken and when I returned, no monkey so I thought I had scared him off. I didn’t want to hurt him, I just wanted him to leave.
Day 7, a very happy girl had breakfast and decided to take a stroll on the beach to watch the sunrise but as she opened the door to go out, the little shit had returned and brought 10 other little shits with him. No one said anything about their intense social network, turns out Howler monkeys will work in packs to defend each other, and these did. For the next week, anytime I left the little house I had to wear a raincoat and bring an umbrella because those little shits sat in trees and waited. Every time I went out the little shits threw piles of shit at me and Nonoy while screaming and monkey laughing as Nonoy kept yelling “WHAT DID YOU DO?”
My advice to anyone in any country that has Howler monkeys is to IGNORE THE LITTLE SHITS!! They are not cute, they are mean, spiteful, nasty little creatures who will get you if you make them angry. I even tried leaving out a peace offering, a bowl of fruit, the little shits ate the fruit and left the peels and seeds and still threw shit.
Howler monkeys are shit experts and expert bullies who occasionally look cute.
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