It is a beautiful sunny day, and I am sitting in a large empty office listening to the ac run thinking of all the wonderful things I could be doing outside if I wasn’t inside earning a living. Life is hard, you give up so much of it just to make sure you can sustain it. Last night while laying in bed I thought of several topics that I would like to write about but today I can’t remember any of them. Life is hard, just when you think you have figured out something, a new something comes along or your memory lapses.
On social media today there are countless kids complaining about something they think is a big loss or something that “they are gonna die” if it doesn’t happen. A friend’s kid posted a pic of a new car he received since he is now 16, “here’s my new ride, it isn’t a Jeep, but I guess it will do”. Another posted that his kicks were dirty and now needed to be chunked. I guess dirt is now the devil. All this whining about what they have that isn’t good enough made me think back to days when a little was good enough and when people needed less to be happy.
My Mom was a lovely 25-year-old with long beautiful black hair, a beautiful smile, model thin and a gentle spirit who had a 5-year-old and a new baby when her husband decided someone else was what he wanted so he left for work and never came back. He left her with two babies, no job, no money, no food, and a broken heart. She got a job, cleaned the house, cared for her babies, and cried at night. Her father, brothers, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and sisters all helped in different ways, but life was hard.
On social today an article today said that parents “should never allow an aunt, uncle, cousin, or even grandparents to be alone with young children” because of the dangers of abuse. My Aunt cared for almost every cousin in our family at some point, she was kind and artistic and fun to be around and she enjoyed each baby. My grandparents always had something good cooking in the kitchen on Sundays and it was the one big meal we had each week. No matter how much they didn’t have, they always had extra food for us, fried chicken, steak and gravy over rice or biscuits. My uncles and aunts always had a place for us to stay on fun weekends where we laughed and played with our cousins without fear. My paternal grandmother’s camp was the place I spent my summers on the water learning to fish, swim and enjoy the woods. I was at the neighbor’s camp everyday unchaperoned and knew the brothers who lived there very well. We went for long walks to the boat landing, took boat rides almost to Texas, and spent hours on their pier. A week out of every summer I spent at my uncle & aunt’s place in the country with my cousins playing kick the can at midnight, picking veggies in the garden, grooming horses, exploring the adjacent woods, and walking or bicycling the main highway over a mile or two to a general store. Most days it was get up, eat breakfast, clean up and go outside until lunch, at lunch it was eat, clean up and go outside until dinner. Looking back at all the time I spent with relatives, I can’t remember a time when one was abusive or gave cause to be alarmed, quite the opposite in fact, they were all kind and very patient. I find these beware everyone is horrible articles to be what parents today use as a guide in raising kids who will never fully appreciate what they have because they lack the one thing I had lots of…..freedom.
My Mom did her best to make us feel we had what we needed, and in many ways we did. We were not aware that we were considered poor because to us we were wealthy. We had cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family that always found a way to be together usually at my grandparent’s small home. In the country we had family dinners at a long table with fresh meat and hand-picked vegetables and lots of laughter. We had Easter Egg Hunts, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, Valentine’s Day Cookies, and summer picnics always with family. My grandparents had a huge oak tree in their back yard with a green swing that overlooked their garden and on weekends that is where everyone gathered. That was wealth.
Seeing these teens online talk and complain about food eaten in restaurants or disliking the food their parents cook or schools provide makes me angry. The ignorance and sense of entitlement is something to pity because they have no sense of what others may be living. Back in the day the government didn’t throw money at people like they do to certain groups today; they did for some but not for most, but you could go to special sites and pick up peanut butter and big blocks of American cheese. We didn’t have large meals each day and some days we didn’t have. My Mom went without many days and learned to stretch what we had on others. We ate a lot of breakfast items for dinner, and I still do, breakfast is my favorite meal regardless of time of day. Scrambled eggs, grits, potatoes all go a long way if you know how to fix them. My very favorite was grits and homemade French fries, I had no idea that we had it because we had it, I thought it was fabulous! I hated Cheerios, little round pieces of cardboard, cheap and easy, I refuse to eat them as an adult.
The point of my rambling is that we relied on the very people that society today screams beware of and we enjoyed a good childhood without the electronics, fancy brands, new things, luxurious foods, and disposable every things. Our expectations of life were different, lighter somehow and while times were hard, times were also very good. I’d give up my cushy bank account and my stocked pantry for one day under that tree with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’d give just about anything to walk into my grandmother’s kitchen and eat her amazing steak and gravy over rice. Instead of growing up complaining about what I didn’t have that other had, I am grateful for what I had that others do not. No one served me things on a silver platter, I earned them.
It is great that we live in a time where parents can “give their kids everything” but is that really serving them? I can’t stand many of my friend’s kids, they are rotten, arrogant, rude, selfish, disconnected and ridiculously disrespectful. Some however, are the opposite, they are the kids of parents who understand that what they teach translates into what their kids become. Myself, I am glad I grew up poor in income but wealthy in family. Even during times when we had very little, if someone asked my Mom for help she gave it and still does. My baby sister and I are very generous to others and often help without being asked and never ask for gratitude because it is a way of life. So, to these affluent kids complaining on social, sit and think about why people who grew up without the things you complain about having are content without having them and think about why we pity you. It isn’t because your new car given to you isn’t the “right” model or because you need better this or that, it is because you are missing the important things and it is because you will never know contentment or freedom unless you change your perspective.
My grandparents are gone, my aunt and uncle that lived in the country are gone, my grandmother’s camp is gone, time takes everything eventually. My memories are fading, and I am growing tired, eventually I’ll also be gone. I can still see those family gatherings, the camp, the gardens, the pets, the food and now I see how much I had when I was young. I choose to remember both the good and the bad because they work together to create who you are. I also choose gratitude for all the things and times that family did for me as a child. I haven’t visited Louisiana since 1997 and am disconnected from most of my cousins but I think of them often, I have great memories.
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