Seems that each time I turn on the news or social media some yahoo is telling me that I should hate you, him, her, them, the confused, the “woke” which is code for confused, or something that someone else likes, uses, or wants. Today it is a vaccine or book, yesterday it was a statue, and tomorrow it will be any form of free thinking.
Color your hair purple, get a tattoo, buy an electric go cart or a gigantic suv, drink soda, I don’t care. Tell me that I will be expected to color my hair purple, get a tattoo and drive a ridiculous overpriced battery-operated car that I can’t maintain, and I will not only care, I’ll slap you stupid to make sure you understand, my choice is my choice. I won’t hate you because the popular thing now is to shame, hate, criticize, and bully and you chose to follow, but I will pity you.
See, I grew up during the 70’s and 80’s, no, we were not all lovey dovey to everyone, but we were respectful for the most part or more tolerant if that word suits you.
In the 70’s we lived in a Louisiana neighborhood that had a resident who was nationally watched for decades and continues to be. He was controversial, powerful, and political and had “parties” and eventually became a prominent political leader. My Mom made sure we were in bed when his “parties” were happening and tried to shield us from his people but like most kids do, I went to bed, then suck out of bed to watch the “parties” from my bedroom window. I had no idea what they were doing and what their gatherings really meant, we were all locked up tight inside away from the yelling, drinking, the burning crosses, the beer, and the white robes. Our neighborhood was quiet during the majority of hours in the day and at night, no one bothered us, it never dawned on me that my neighborhood was off limits to many, that special neighbor was just like any other except during his gatherings and special meetings which we did not participate in.
In 1981’s after moving to Mobile, AL there were race issues in High School, these issues inside school walls were new to me, I had never been inserted into a mixture of diverse attitudes. The people pushing the racial divide which caused the senior students of one ethnicity to act out against others were not the students, they were keyed up parents, news anchors, the screamers who never seemed to be at work, and self-proclaimed activists that media loved. Students just watched the aggressive energy build and it transferred and grew like hate does.
There was a super sweet boy named Charlie who was in marching band with me. Charlie was fun, always laughing and always trying to make me laugh, he was smart and excellent on the drums. Charlie’s dad was black, and his mom was Asian, Charlie had beautiful dark olive skinned, black hair and a big smile and was always asking me to the movies or to some after school hang out and I always said no because I had a big ole crush on Randy Healy. Our sophomore year, I was sitting on the ledge of the new concrete amphitheater watching pep squad do their rah rah thing before the pep rally, legs hanging over the side, nice drop to the ground when Rondo Murr,(name changed for privacy) a big football player walked over and said stay the F**K away from my brothers and stick to the white boys, he shoved and I broke. I was on crutches for several weeks. Charlie was told that it was his fault and that he should stick to “his own kind”.
Neither of us felt we had a “kind” we were friends with just about anyone who had a fun spirit and a good attitude. We remained friends despite the warning and continued to hang out together inside the band room during free period until Charlie moved. To be honest, many kids at school were oblivious to what was happening around us, from separate busses at separate times to separate races to knife fights in the courtyard during lunch all because the media said hate this, hate that. I did hate the black eye and bruises that Charlie was given for befriending people that some said were "not his kind".
During all this chaos, Paul “Bear” Bryant came to school and talked to everyone about inclusivity and treating everyone with respect. He was there often to recruit some of our best football players and Rondo was one of those players. He was friends with Jim Roberson, our band director and while on campus he was often in Jimbo's office, and Jimbo's office is where some of us band kids lived during the day. Bear was a sweet man who always seemed both uptight and relaxed at the same time but always on guard, he made appearances at our school every year from 1981 – 83 always encouraging peace. We didn’t really know that peace was missing, we were busy having fun, but after the race issues, we were careful to watch each other both at school and after. I didn’t have to participate in the separate bussing, Amy’s yellow Buick kept busses out of the equation. We didn’t know that Bear was someone special, he was just an old man and a coach that took the time to talk with any of us that were willing to listen. In 1983 when he died, the school literally shut down to mourn such a great loss. He was quiet and noisy, mean and soft, kind of like a grandfather who had a secret and always seemed to know something you needed to learn.
I had friends that were white, black, Asian, mixed, and unknown and we really didn’t consider race, we did consider who worked where. In 1984-85 we created the great fast-food train, a system that guaranteed us what we wanted to eat without spending money. I worked at Waffle House, Gertrude at Pizza Hut, Leslie at Krystals, Lisa at Colonel Dixie, 11 of us all in. We shared schedules each week and rotated where we went after school, Friday evenings, late nights, etc. and never paid for anything, it was fabulous! We pilled into the car of whoever had gas and went wherever., we pooled funds and went places, bought things that we shared or made sure those of us with no money had money to go and do what we did.
There was a freshman named Jeff who was a tall skinny kid with freckles and glasses, super shy and always nearby, he followed us quietly everywhere on school grounds, Jeff was smart, funny and had a great sense of humor. His parents were dirt poor and rarely home, so Jeff rarely had what he needed. For two years, my lunch money went to making sure that Jeff had breakfast or lunch so that his stomach wouldn’t constantly rumble, if I didn’t have spare fundage, one of our friends pitched in and made sure he got that lunch. No one cared if he was white or black, we cared that he was hungry, and we knew how bad hunger can feel. We made sure he had money for band trips and football games, and we were determined that he would have what we had while we were there. We felt guilty when we graduated because we all left at the same time and Jeff was left on his own.
The point of my rambling is that back in the 70’s and 80’s yes, there were racial issues, ugly attitudes and politically charged media bias but many of us chose life and people over politics and ignored the push to hate. I’ve been in some tense racially charged situations and have seen things that most will hopefully never experience. I’ve heard preaching things that many would not have been able to sidestep and I have chosen not to follow anyone’s agenda, I like who and what I like.
I will always be opinionated and vocal, it is how I was built. I don’t need your validation, nor your criticism and I refuse to follow for the sake of being accepted, I prefer to speak out or help depending on situation. I am not shallow enough to think that a big, smiling female face on a pancake box or a sports icon is a radical discrimination marker, to me it is a big smiling female face that looked welcoming, that female face looked like many women who have made me pancakes over the years that were phenomenal and phenomenal pancakes to me are a HUGE WIN!!
Today, I don’t buy the hate your unvaccinated neighbor crap pushed by a political party and media, if I had no reason to dislike my neighbor before covid, why should I hate or dislike my neighbor because of a virus they had no part in developing. Ignorance and indoctrination is becoming a pastime in the USA, people are not investing in their children, and they are not pulling together to raise cousins, grandkids, and kids of friends like they did back when and ignorance is becoming rampant. I was raised by many people, Mother, Stepfather, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Friends, in different areas, different income brackets, and different thought processes. Diversity in thinking is involving many, learning about many, and respecting all. Of course, I am less tolerant of those who choose crime over peace, yes, I believe they should as rabid animals are, be permanently removed from our population, but I believe that if you do not take the time to learn about someone or something, you have no business saying that others should not have the right to explore or speak out about that someone or something. And sometimes a big, smiling face on a pancake box is just a beautiful woman who at some point encouraged someone to make killer pancakes so they put her beautiful smile on the box.
So, don’t read that offensive book, don’t buy that offensive product, do whatever you like to your appearance that makes you happy, make up whatever you feel makes you feel validated but don’t project your shortcomings onto me and don’t expect me to assimilate. Hate is energy wasted and at this stage of the game, I don’t have the energy to spend on controlling others and inflicting misery. Be as stupid as you like, I’ll continue to shake my head and go about my day being me and if you fall while not hurting others, I’ll help pick you up but if you slam into that brick wall while slamming others, I will step over you and keep going, I simply refuse to hate you.
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