I am never going to be a morning person; it isn’t in my DNA. This morning on my drive in to work I watched a dumbass in a silver Mercedes weave in and out passing quickly on a double yellow only to find himself at the same stoplight as everyone doing the speed limit. I think he has watched too many Fast and Furious Videos and doesn’t get the hint that he is not in one.
About 15 years ago I stopped being a nice, sweet, quiet, all accommodating person all because of a can of beans, this guy in his Mercedes reminded me of that day.
It was 2 days before Thanksgiving, and I had run into the grocery store to pick up a couple of forgotten items. I was happily pushing my cart down an isle when this very tall, large woman with a gigantic hairpiece, long orange acrylic pointy nails and unfortunate stretchy pants began barreling down the isle shouting to some sad person on her hands-free earpiece. The store was packed as usual before a holiday. She pushed her way down the isle, shoving carts right and left, grabbing what she wanted with full disregard for anyone in her way. I watched her slam someone’s cart backwards so that she could reach and item, then watched her tell someone to shut up and move. She grabbed her item and flipped her cart in my direction. A sweet old man on one of those slow battery-operated carts was half standing and half sitting trying to reach up for an item when she smacked into his cart sending him falling into the shelves. I walked over and helped the old guy up and reached for the items he needed. As I was walking back to my cart, this witch shoved my cart towards me and reached for a large can of green beans and I snapped.
I didn’t want the beans, I just wanted her to have a little courtesy. Knocking an 84-year-old man to the ground because she was in a hurry was repulsive and wrong, slamming her cart into a pregnant mother’s cart was rude, and screaming on the phone was annoying. When she went for that last can, I shoved my cart forward sending her backwards and grabbed that can off the shelf. The fun had just begun, people clapped, it was so unexpected and a little empowering.
I went from being that nice girl to a woman who had reached her limit. I stopped being nice and intensely made a point. When I shoved her cart her big ole eyes opened wider, and she stopped talking to her mystery person and looked at me like I was the devil. I got the traditional who the hell do you think you are comment, and I asked her the same question. She offered to send me flying so I took the initiative and shoved my cart into hers once more. I asked if she enjoyed knocking old people to the flippin ground and if she had issues driving her cart and if she knew the words Stop and Excuse Me. I told her she owed several people including me an apology. She said I ain’t apologizing for shit, it is Thanksgiving and I need crap for dinner, get out of my way and then she reached for the beans which were now in my cart. So, as she reached, my snapped self-shoved my cart forward, making her step backwards into her cart and suddenly it was she who was falling.
Now this woman outweighed me by a good 150 pounds and was at least a foot taller and she had those long lethal plastic nails. She looked like an angry heifer about to charge and said I was in for it, although I never got to find out what “it” was. She was screaming mad and about to lunge for that stupid can when the sweet old man in his scooter smashed into the back of her cart sending her forward into mine. It was hysterical! Some other woman reached down and took an item out of the mad woman’s cart and threw it into hers as she passed by to make a point. The mad heifer got up and rushed toward me and I grabbed that can of beans and offered to give it to her full force. By then I was done with her antics and poor behavior and just wanted to do my shopping and go home. I told her that she could have that can of beans but that it would come with a concussion and a reckoning. I held that can high and acted like I was about to smack her with it! What she didn’t know was that in my head I was laughing. It was just too funny; she was seriously trying to pick a fight over canned goods and wanted to feel like she dominated the world. What exactly do you get from dominating a supermarket?
I must have come across as serious because she stopped. I threw the can that I did not need into my cart just to piss her off because it was the last large can of beans. She grabbed several small ones and turned in the other direction and several people that she had pushed around blocked her out of spite, so she flipped her cart and ran in the other direction. That stupid can of beans sat on my counter for a year.
I hate bullies, especially stupid ones who do things just to try and force others to see them as something instead of what they really are. Had this heifer simply been polite and kind, I would have gladly given her the can or moved out of her way to allow her to get it. In trying to increase her value she decreased her value, and everyone now saw her as worthless. I’ve always tried to be the person who helps others even when I don’t feel it. I once was the person who bought items and just tossed them when they broke or didn’t perform as advertised. But this heifer and her bad attitude towards strangers changed the way I saw people and things permanently. That snap changed more then just that individual situation, it changed my outlook.
I am still nice and respectful to most, but I no longer see all people as a positive. And that item that I spent loads of cash on, if it breaks or doesn’t perform as advertised, I call the company and talk until they replace or refund. I don’t have disposable cash so why should they be allowed to take my money for garbage. I will always help others, but if you come at me with an aggressive nature, be expected to get what you give. That shy, naïve, sweet natured girl is gone, a can of beans changed her. I overlook many things because I can’t change them, like the man this morning in the Mercedes, I don’t tolerate them, nor do I admire them, I pity them then simply dismiss them. If the only thing you have to give is crap, then you have deep issues. Everyone has the ability to choose right or wrong, good vs evil, and kindness vs hate. I hate no one, including the heifer or Mr. Mercedes, because hate is giving someone energy and I simply refuse to give my energy to those who don’t deserve it.
I will always encourage others to be kind to people because our world desperately needs kindness. Back in the day it was a priority, neighbors helping neighbors, front porch visits, bad casserole deliveries with a smile and taking pride in putting others before yourself. When I look around, I see the me first attitude everywhere and I can’t help but wonder why this is acceptable.
Back in 2005 when the company that I worked for was “realigning” departments and decided that a reduction in force was necessary, I offered to give up my job to allow them to keep a fellow employee named Cindy who had moved from Minnesota with her husband. They had lost everything and were starting over and were barely making it. I knew that they had no where to go, and Cindy’s paycheck paid the bills. I was told that Cindy’s job was on the chopping block and that I was safe because of my experience level, and I sat with the department head and made the request and asked that Cindy not be told that I had saved her job. We watched many employees in our department go, and Cindy became a nervous wreck, but Cindy’s job was safe and mine was over in less then 2 weeks. About a month later, Cindy sent me an email telling me that she was told that I left to help her keep her job and she was angry that I did not include her in my decision, she was grateful that I helped her, but we could no longer remain friends because she felt that I was “owed” something. I never told her why I did it or that I don’t believe that people owe each other for anything, I simply wished her good luck and happiness. I had no expectations for gratitude or repayment, I was simply looking after what I thought was a friend and someone in need. I knew I could find a new job and I knew with her skill set and financial problems compounded with her age that it would be more difficult for her, so I helped without being asked. That email was the last I heard from Cindy.
Why was it so easy to help others and accept help back in the 1900s and so difficult to do so in the 2000’s? If this is evolution, we need to de-evolve.
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